OUaP, Finale Part 1: The Humorous Heroes

--Once Upon a Player, Finale Part 1: The Humorous Heroes--

"I figured I might as well play it fair and bring your little buddies along!" Tyler said "Although, it's not really going to make any difference honestly."

"And why did you bring HIM here?" Jake asked as he pointed to Jon

"Oh, I'd figure he could watch his brother die in front of him." Tyler said with a smile

"OH COME ON?! REALLY?" Jon shouted "Look, just because you're like the evil wizard that made me a jerk in the first place, DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T USE MY ANGER AGAINST YOU."

"Oh you're so happy Jennifer!" Tyler said with a cheesy grin

"I swear, IF I EVER GET OUT OF THIS DUMB DARK MAGIC SPELL, YOU WILL BE DEAD MEAT SIR!" Jon shouted

"Hey Masae, I have an idea..." Emile said to Masae

"Really? NOW?! ...Fine, say it." Masae replied

"I wonder if we can use my brother's anger to our advantage..." Emile suggested

"Now that you mention it, there could be a way..." Masae said as she trailed into thought

"What is it? We need answers here Masae!" Jake exclaimed

"Shh idiot!" Reese said as she hit Jake on the arm "Tyler's right there!"

"Oh don't worry about him. He's too busy poking and prodding at Jon over there." Jake said as he pointed to the two of them fighting

"Awww, looks like little Jennifer can't get her way out!" Tyler taunted

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU TYLER!" Jon shouted back

"What is a little girl like you going to do? After all, you ARE trapped in a dark spell." Tyler replied

"Yep, completely oblivious to what we are saying." Jake said to Reese

"Touche Jake." Reese replied

"Let's see here...the weapon Jon has is a...a dagger huh? I kind expected something better, but it'll make the job easier." Masae said

"You sure this plan is going to work?" Emile asked

"Emile, listen to me. ...Would I risk my own SON to do this if it wouldn't work?!" Masae shouted "Of course it will!"

"Wait, what's this plan you're planning?" Jake said to Masae

"Quite simple really. Quite simple indeed." Masae replied

"...How simple?" Reese asked

"How simple? Well, it's as simple as drinking a glass of water!" Masae replied "Now James, you remember what I told you right?"

"Yes ma!" James replied

"And you know what to do right?"

"Yep!"

"...Can a six year old- eh never mind. I should never doubt the relationship between mother and son." Jake said

"So wait, you never had a mother?" Reese asked

"Ay! Don't forget you're talking near someone who's had a curse since birth here!" Emile exclaimed

"Well uh..." Jake began "Let's just say my mom...never returned home half of the time at night." He said "But, she was a great healer! ...I think she healed one man too many..."

"Wow. That's uh...interesting mom you have there Jake..." Reese said "Anyways, back to the plan at hand."

"Now, even though I know you'll do it dear, be safe out there, ya here me?" Masae said to James

"Yes ma, I will!" James replied

"Now, deploying plan in three...two...one!" An orb of light came out of Emile's sword, and headed straight towards Jon

"Sooo, can you explain what's going on here Masae?" Reese asked

"Well, you know how I'm in Emile's sword right? That makes his sword blessed with innocence, and can fight off the dark. Now, Jon has a dagger, so guess what I did..." Masae explained

"Ohhh!" Jake and Reese said in unison

"And thus, I am done explaining." Masae said

"Butait...does that mean...oh lord." Jake said "Jon has to...oh no!"

"...Why do I have this strange feeling I know what you're thinking?" Reese said to Jake

"...Good thing we're on the same page here." Jake replied

-------------------

"Psssst. Hey, hey Jonathan, over here!" A little voice said to Jon

"Huh?" Jon whispered as he looked down at the dagger on his belt. The voice was coming from there!

"Hi Jonathan! It's me, James!" James said in a happy tone

Oh no...don't tell me... He looked over to Emile, who was grinning happily and waving. He was then mouthing, "Love ya too!"

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me. First Tyler taunting me saying I'm a girl, now my brother, who is apparently gifted with laughter. How could this get any worse? Oh wait, he sent a little kid named James to me!" Jon muttered

"I can help you Jon! Really!" James said

Well, at least Tyler can't hear him somehow. Jon thought as he looked at Tyler, who was still constantly teasing him.

"Alright kid, how can you help me?" Jon whispered

"I...I bless your dagger so that you can fight the dark thingy!" James replied cheerfully

Well, at least my brother isn't THAT much of an idiot after all! Jon thought

"Mommy sent me to help you! Your sword is SO cool by the way! It's different from E-Emi...Emi... 'Milino's sword!" James said with a giggle

"Oh really? How is it different?" Jon asked

"Well, there used to be all of these sharp things in here, but when I laughed they changed to pretty flowers!" James replied

"Just uh...don't touch any sharp things, okay?" Jon said

"Okey! I promise I won't!" James said

Jeez, is that what the inside of my sword looks like? My lord I change to change soon... Jon thought Oh right, the task at hand.

Jon found the handle of the dagger, and when he did, he felt a certain...feeling from it. When he gripped the handle, Jon felt a strong rush of courage through him.

"Hey Tyler, remember how I said I was going to murder you if I ever got out of this spell?" Jon said to Tyler

"Yeah. ...Which you never will." Tyler replied

"Well..." Jon began "I'M KEEPING THAT PROMISE!" He got the dagger, and with one quick swish, Jon broke free from the spell and landed on the ground. "...Okay...I need work on my landings..." Jon muttered as he got up.

"Now that's the Jon I know! ...Or well, now I know." Emile said as he helped Jon get up "Good to have you on the team brother."

"Although Emile, can I ask one question?" Jon said

"Yeah?" Emile replied

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME A SIX YEAR OLD?!" Jon shouted

"...Cause I could." Emile said with a cheesy grin "Plus, Masae didn't want to leave my sword!"

"It's more of, I'm bond to Emile's sword." Masae said

"...Same difference." Emile said

"So I see that you've joined them Jon..." Tyler hissed "No matter, after I'm finished with these three, I can just brainwash you and make you forget all of this." He said with a smug look

"Why doesn't he just...oh I dunno, do it now?!" Jake whispered

"'Cause idiot, YOU'RE here!" Reese replied

"...Oh. Right." Jake said "But couldn't he just kill me first?!"

"Anyone can use the book really. It's just that you're given the book because you have the most experience in magic." Masae explained "...Sadly."

"Ay! It's not my fault my hair is this color!" Jake shouted

"Hehe, Jakey's hair is blue! Jakey's hair is blue!" James chanted

"...Even a six year old is insulting me." Jake said, facepalming "I can see why you love your son so much Masae."

"Exactly!" Masae replied

"Oh yeah, don't mind us. We're just, oh I dunno, FIGHTING A GIANT DRAGON!" Jon shouted to the two of them. Indeed, when they looked up, they saw that Tyler had turned into a giant, black, firebreathing dragon!

"Yeah, don't mind the fact that you're talking to our weapons! Yeah, don't mind at all!" Emile added on

"Oh lord all mighty, hold on, I've got this!" Reese said as she readied her bow

"Ooooh, lookie here, a little archer is coming to the rescue!" Tyler said as he started to walk over to Reese

"Don't you try and harm her you!" Jon shouted "Hand me Masae Emile."

"But-" Emile began

"Just hand me her!" Jon shouted. Emile obediently gave him Masae for James. "Jeez, what's his problem?"

"Ooooh, Jonny likes Risa! Jonny likes Risa!" James chanted

"I love you kid. I really do." Emile said with a smile

"Hold on. HOLD THE LINE HERE. Did you just call me a...little archer? Sir, sir. Hear me once, and I will tell you this one. I CAN DEFEND FOR MYSELF SIR, I CAN, AND I WILL." Reese shouted "I'VE GOT A LITTLE SISTER AT HOME WHO BELIEVES IN ME. SO YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM NOT NO LITTLE ARCHER!"

"Ooooh, girl's got some sass in her." Jake commented

"Oh lord Jonny brother, she's a spicy one." Emile added on "Good luck trying to reel in THAT fish."

"Tell me about it!" Masae exclaimed

"And you know what? MY FATHER WAS AN EXCELLENT ARCHER! He would put time and effort out of baking to HELP me improve my skills. Archery, fishing, gathering food, firemaking, and horseback riding! So, you ugly, dirty, sorry excuse for a human, TAKE THIS!" Reese shouted as she pulled back her bow. The arrow flew like an eagle in the air, and landed right in a dab center of Tyler's eye. "Psh. Just like that contest a few days ago."

"Hey, wait a minute. Horsebacking riding..." Jake said as he flipped through the spell book

"Now Jake?! Now is the time you look for a spell?" Emile shouted "What are you looking for anyways?"

"You'll see, you'll see...AH HA! Found it!" Jake shouted with glee

"...Why do I have a feeling something major is about to happen?" Masae said

"Carrier of the humans, ridden on back, bring us a horse, and a horse real fast!" Jake shouted. Suddenly, a loud rumbling noise could be heard from far away...

"No...it can't be...is it...is it really you?" Reese said. A greyish, bluish horse with a black tail came galloping to her. "It is...it's...it's...IT'S MAH BALLS!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone shouted unison, including Tyler

"You named your horse, My Balls?!" Emile exclaimed

"Okay, even I wasn't expecting that." Jon added on

"What? I was going to name it Vagi- Vanessa!" Reese said "Come on My Balls, RIDE LIKE THE WIND!" Reese shouted as she galloped around the platform

"Okay, why did you-" Emile began

"...Wait for it..." Jake replied

"I'M RIDING MY BALLS!" Reese shouted "I've been wanting to say that for a LONG time!"

"AHH MY EARS!" Tyler shouted " THE HUMOR!"

"...And that's why I did that!" Jake said with a grin "I found out the only way to really damage him is to kill him...with LAUGHTER."

"Laughter eh? ...Wait a second, that gives me an idea..." Emile said, glancing over at Jon

"Oh no..." Masae said with fear

"Hey, hey Jon!" Emile shouted

"What Emile?" Jon replied

"MONKEY HUG!" Emile shouted as he ran over and hugged him

"AH! HE'S HUGGING ME, HE'S HUGGING ME!" Jon shouted

"Did I tell you how much I missed you?" Emile added on with a cheesy grin

"No...you...you didn't." Jon said, almost out of breath "Just let me go, PLEASE..."

"Hey, hey Jon! Guess whaaat?" Emile said excitedly

"...What?" Jon said

"...DON'T EAT THE MUSHROOM!" Emile shouted as he got a mushroom out and stuffed it in Jon's mouth. He quickly spat it out. "Fresh picked from the forest outside!"

"...Did I ever tell you how much I hated mushrooms...?" Jon said to Emile

"Love ya too Jon!" Emile said with a cheesy grin. Jon then looked at the ground, and came up with an idea. He moved his foot closer and closer to Emile's foot...

"Hey, hey Emile." Jon said

"Yeah?" Emile replied

"There's a Water Wraith on your foot." Jon said calmly

"AH! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" Emile shouted as he jumped around

"Got ya brother!" Jon said with a grin

"The humor...the pranks...the laughter...IT'S TOO MUCH!" Tyler shouted

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but keep on doing those crazy shenanigans you are doing!" Masae exclaimed

"Hey...this kinda reminds me of some crazy stuff a friend and I did once..." Jake said as he flipped to the beginning of the spellbook. "Ahem. The tale of Rayman's Origins."

"There once was a man named Rayman! His last name was Origins!" Jake began to sing "No wait. His name was Organs! Wait no, that's wrong too. Oh yeah, his last name was Oranges!" He shouted. "Start again, from the start! There once was a man named Rayman! His last name was Oranges! He had liked, a lot of bananas! Wait, blabbas!"

"I guess he was a very FRUITY guy!" Emile shouted

"Come on, come on now, let's get a moving now..." Jon began "Hey, that kinda works." He said, thinking of lyrics "Why are we so slow? Don't make me really angry, 'cause you'd really suck, can this dragon die? I hope we can. ...Hate you Tyler, by the way."

"Hey, you three, come on!" Reese said as she came to them "Come ride on, MY BALLS!" She then forced the three of them onto the large horse "In unison everybody!"

"How do you control this crazy thing?!" Jon shouted

"What does she want us to say?" Jake whispered

"You know, the thing about us riding this horse?" Emile whispered back

"Oh! That thing!" Jake said

"And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!"

"WE'RE RIDING MY BALLS!" Reese, Emile, and Jake shouted in unison

"Come on Jon! Say it!" Reese said with a smile "You know you wanna!"

"...How did I get with these ragtag people again?" Jon whispered under his voice

"And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!"

"WE'RE RIDING MY BALLS!" Everyone said in unison, Jon being the one who said it quietest.

"All...the...humor..." Tyler stuttered to say "It's too much, it's just too much!"

"You ready to end this?" Emile asked Jon

"Psh. You bet I am." Jon replied

"First, hand me over my sword please." Emile said to Jon, extending his hand

"Fiiine." Jon replied. He gave Emile his sword, and Emile gave Jon his dagger.

"Good luck you two, you'll need it." Reese said as she began to slow down the horse.

"Go, and save the kingdom!" Jake added on.

"We will, for the future!" The two of them said in unison. They hopped off, and approached Tyler.

"You ready to do this?" Emile said

"Psh, heck ya." Jon replied

"Wait a minute..." Jake muttered "There's a SECOND page to this spell?"

"What?! NOW you find out?" Reese shouted at Jake "What do we do?!"

"It says uh...one person involved must loose someone dear to them. Doesn't matter who, it just has to be someone." Jake read out

"Wait. Didn't they already loose their parents? Doesn't that count?" Reese said

"There's more...it has to be made a minute or less before the person dies. So that means...someone has to be sacrificed before Tyler dies!" Jake exclaimed "Or else, the spell won't work!"

"Great! Now what do we do?!" Reese exclaimed

"We've got to tell them, obviously!" Jake exclaimed.

"But still...who's gonna be sacrificed?"